“It’s nothing to worry about”: why that phrase doesn’t help stressed teenagers, and 6 things that do

Think back to a time when someone told you, with the best of intentions, that the thing you were worrying about was “nothing”. Did it help? Or did you feel a little more alone with it?

This month brings International Stress Awareness Week. It’s a good moment to remember that for teenagers, stress is real. A failed test, a broken friendship, a group chat that turns nasty or a teacher who doesn’t seem to like you are the equivalent of an adult’s exam, break-up, bully or difficult boss. As Dr Tina Rae, Dr Jody Walshe and Dr Jo Wood put it in Supporting Adolescents & Teenagers with Stress & Anxiety, minimising someone’s problems isn’t helpful, but acknowledging them and helping them build coping strategies certainly is.

Here are six ideas from the book that schools and families can use straight away.

1. Treat stress as normal, not as a problem to fix

Some stress is good for us. Too little and we’re bored and unstretched. Too much and we lose concentration, struggle to make decisions and, eventually, burn out. Somewhere in the middle is a level where we work at our best. The authors suggest that most of us are wisest working just below our peak, not at it.

Sharing this idea with teenagers takes the shame out of feeling stressed. The goal isn’t a stress-free life. It’s knowing your own tipping point and having ways to come back from it.

2. Look for changes, not just obvious distress

Stress doesn’t always look like tears. The key warning sign, the authors say, is a change in a young person’s usual pattern. They might become withdrawn or aggressive, or lose interest in things they used to love. Grades might drop, or attendance start to slip. Some start lying or bragging. Others become unusually needy of attention.

If a teenager you know well has started behaving out of character, that’s worth a gentle conversation.

3. Show them how thoughts change feelings

The book uses a simple diagram nicknamed the “hot cross bun”. It links what we think, how we feel, what happens in our body and what we do. Try a scenario. Someone bumps into you hard in the school corridor. If your first thought is “they did that on purpose because they hate me”, how do you feel and what do you do next? Now imagine your first thought is “they must be really embarrassed”. Same bump, completely different outcome.

Once young people see that their first thought isn’t the only possible one, they have somewhere to start.

4. Ask the miracle question

This is one of the most powerful tools in solution-focused work. Ask: “Imagine you go to bed tonight and a miracle happens. All your problems are solved. You wake up to a perfect, stress-free day at home and at school. What’s different? What do you notice? What do other people notice?”

The authors make one important rule: the perfect day still includes going to school. The point is for young people to describe school as they’d really like it to be. From there, the small changes that would move things in that direction become much easier to name.

5. Use a scale, and keep the next step small

Scaling is quick and works for almost everyone. “On a scale of 0 to 10, how much do you want to make this change? And how much do you believe you can?” The gap between the two answers is often where the real conversation is.

Then agree one small step that can happen in the next 24 hours. It doesn’t need to be big. It needs to be doable.

6. Make exam pressure something they can talk about

One of the case studies in the book is a diary written by Rahul, a Year 11 student a week before his GCSEs. He has done almost no revision. He has been telling his friends and parents that everything is under control. He feels sick every morning and is convinced there is “no way out”.

Many teenagers will recognise themselves in Rahul, especially the pretending. Reading his diary together and asking “what five steps would you advise Rahul to take?” lets young people plan their way out of panic without having to admit it’s their own story.

A whole-school approach

The book is clear that supporting teenage mental health is a team effort. Small, visible things make a difference: a worry box with set times when staff are free to listen, gratitude jars, a quiet lunchtime zone, peer mentors and one-to-one slots with a form tutor. Most of all, young people need to know where to go if things get worse.

If you’re worried about a young person, follow your school’s safeguarding procedures. Signpost to services such as Young Minds, Childline or the young person’s GP.

---

Want more ideas?

Supporting Adolescents & Teenagers with Stress & Anxiety by Tina Rae, Jody Walshe & Jo Wood is a 12-session programme covering image, friendships, family, relationships, study skills and exam stress. It comes with more than 50 photocopiable worksheets.

For a quicker, activity-based option, try Activities to Help Young People Deal with Stress & Anxiety